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Tuesday, 5 April 2016

Dear Ninni


Such a long time...very very long time i have written anything to you. Whats App and facebook takes up most of my time and switching on the laptop seems a herculean task which i dare to perform rarely. I do read a lot of mommy stuff and get overwhelmed by the likes flooding underneath and then ponder about my mediocrity and convince myself i have nothing better to write. Does that sound demeaning... mediocrity is something i am blessed with.

But for you i am the mammu. The chubby cuddly mammu  in fact you cuddle me more than i do and needless to say that is because of the oodles of weight i have put on over the years !!! Six and a half years since the day you were born and here is the lovely girl simple at heart... yes sentimental and on the verge of a tear at any harsh word...you are so unlike me. You do not excel in class, you do just about all right and the interesting part you are cool about it and gradually so are we... me and your father. For me i had to do well in exams, not downright competitive but the urge from your grandpa ( my father) i had to go on... i did not push myself but more or less studied sincerely ( i know it sounds out rightly boring) and that,s why i love the playfulness, mischief and fun you exude. The simplicity and innocence sometimes scares your father.. how you would survive in this world. You are soft spoken and have a sweet voice but the world yearns for firm, loud voices . No i am not worried at all i love your wit, one liners and feel a real hero when you giggle at the silly jokes i make.

You are learning to read and i know how happy i am!! No you don,t take a book and finish it off but you have just begun to and i hope one day books will draw you to them and even if they don,t it,s fine i guess. Ninni it is okay when we try to give the best to the child... like my father has given me but then at the same time to stand and stare at the unique marvel we have brought in this world and let her be is equally as important. This is parenting darling... a tight rope walk. My guilt saga continues, i sneak out to movies, parlours and come home guilty and the guilt isn,t out of habit but to be with you....laugh, play and teach... accompany you to your classes, getting your favourite momos , buying the ice cream you love all are special moments i long for.

Your presence, chatter echoes through the house... and sometimes in absence of your father me and your Pishi ( i never call her maid) we have this special bonding, gorging on junk food , visiting malls and giggling silly. We exchange glances when you hide your face in palms watching some scene of My Little Pony ( romantic may be) and roll into laughter. We listen to your school stories where you change your best friend every week. More than you i get worried why don,t you have a best friend... would you be like me a loner!! Na i am not a loner but not very much main stream as well. You are a warm friendly person ( most of the times) and i just don,t want to see you lonely. But this is a tough world isn,t it Ninni and friends don,t last here. I have to relax and let you be.

I don,t know if all these would make sense if you ever read this anyday!!

Only darling... we gave you lots of love, pampering and care when you grew up. And like your mammu whenever i dream... whatever i dream of... the house would always be my old one where i had grown up and left since many years...it is such a imprint Ninni which i can never erase ... you too when you think of childhood the love and the images and the fragrances fill your heart and brings a smile in your lips.

Lots and lots of love
Yours Ma