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Saturday, 5 April 2014

Email

Hi

I didn,t think we will meet again...well i did...but in dreams !! Well, well no idea what you would be thinking about me but you know i had worried about that all through my school and college days and at least today i deserve to... you know open out...

Swati, i think you know or at least have known that i had a serious serious crush on you!! How i wish to see a smile on your lips as you read this. (Today i am going to take all the liberties and continue albeit shamelessly.) Our school i know you remember as well as i do , somehow studious students were a separate brand altogether and well left out and avoided by all!! I think we both were in the same category in different classes plus if you look thin and short like me and healthy and hearty like you ( you would not want to kill me for that would you!!) we should not even exist. But we did  you and me and so many like us... I don,t know exactly when i knew i had this thing for you or those boys made me think that..but i was happy with it. Like me you were not a wanted species with the opposite sex, i always saw you with what were their names...can,t recall really, either scribbling in class, or giggling among yourselves during lunch..three of you were hugely shy, awkward and under confident.Was i better off, not really but being a boy had its own advantages at least in those days.

You had and still have beautiful expressive eyes ( some boys knew about it)..and i think someone pointed that to me and from some day i began stealing glances . I know you never knew of that, you were in another world with those two girls i began to hate who would not let you alone though i had no idea what i would do alone.I continued like this for one year and then just after my school finals i had this fatal attack of typhoid , it was dreadful , guess i was you know about to die...lots of doctors, sadhus.. finally i was able to be on my own and you know i was in the same class as you!! We were in a bigger school then and you hardly knew me. I wondered so many times if you ever knew what happened to me and if you would ever come to see me...but i suppose the truth was you barely knew i existed. In the bigger school you looked a bit different, the awkwardness gone a bit and yes i have to say you looked beautiful...this time i made my presence felt to you in the pretext of lending some book through another guy of our class.( I simply told, tell her to come and take the book from me..boldest thing i ever did) After that i knew you were aware of me, i caught you staring at me...and you know you made me absolutely speechless and i think i stopped dead in the stairs one day...before you removed your eyes!! Do you remember Swati... I was certain of the look you gave me, gave me goosebumps but you know that tough exterior of yours...made me go numb. Swati i could not come near you...ahhh mobile, facebook, email...nothing was there in those days. When we had appeared for our exams, i knew i had very little time, i would lose you forever. And i did. I could not come to you.

I got admission in a good engineering college..though  i thought about you for many days but i guess i had also grown up to be a charming man  still short and thin but there were girls i,d go out with and in some day i didn,t realise i had actually stopped thinking about you. I had two very solid affairs and got married to my second girl friend. Somehow i never heard anything about you from anyone...upto a certain time when i visited our home town my eyes would look around frantically...if..if..i can see you. I knew you were studying in the same town, i,d visit our school sometimes...but you were not there. I,d turn the pages of my diary to find some verses where i could smell you or may be i can breathe in my first love..or let us say first crush. I also had this scene written down where we would meet in the future and i would the emotions pouring from your eyes...i lost the diary finally as i lost you and began to live my life.

I came to the hospital for routine check up, as is my habit stuck up conversation with your grand daughter....don,t get surprised..our hometown ,our school finally i asked her your name.I never knew Swati this was how we will meet. I followed her to your bed..you didn,t recognize...infact you never recognized me Swati in school. college never. 

Is she dying

Your granddaughter gave me a stern look

She will fight back

Before i left, i asked her if you had any email id and after i got hold of your address...here i am.
Swati you will open this mail won,t you...these are magic... mail and facebook and whatsapp had all those been there in our days...i,d have...i could have dared. You don,t believe me do you.. Swati was it real... the way you looked at me..or your eyes were pretty..did you stare at me so intensely that i stopped right in the middle of the class...finally i,d get a reply. 

P.S Don't worry i am a very happy well settled man with two pairs of grand children and one lovely nagging wife.

Waiting for your reply

Yours... at least for a few years was all yours...
Sujan