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Friday, 4 April 2014

Dear Ninni

Dear Ninni

You are growing up...beautifully, slowly and before i know one day i will have this beautiful woman staring at me!!  I had only a faint idea how mothers feel and think before you and yes only after your entry into our lives i vaguely began to feel what it was about.

So what do i actually have to tell this growing young woman... not much really..you will discover all the magics and tricks of life, all by yourself and since, let me say this ,not a believer of any beliefs or rules you will never be loaded with my thoughts, so in a word you will be baggage free at least from my side. So i will go candid with you , one thing i need to tell you Ninni i am a non believer as in believing in God or any supernatural power neither i am religious. Having said that i need to tell you as well, i have grown up in a family where pujas were performed every single day and i have been part of the ritual and honestly i am not against any such thing rather love all the festivity. But i do not see any need to believe...that might sound downright audacious arrogant..but it is simple actually, i feel i do not need to believe in anything supernatural, believe in myself and believe in doing good. But i am not in a war, a simple human with all my weaknesses so there is no ego about it, i can join my hands before God and close my eyes yet actually not believe. As you grow up you may find this strange, so just a bit of explanation from my side..i try to be good and do good but then good is also a relative thing where you define your own parameters.

Next.. expectations..i would still like to say i don,t expect much but then as you are growing up, i have automatically started taking pride in your achievements. Hope it sticks to having that pleasure seeing you achieve and not feel that pressure, another form of peer pressure and start resenting if you do not in any instance. But somehow this confidence is there i would always see you as a happy, contented, successful woman. It is very difficult Ninni to detach yourself from the life of someone who took shape bit by bit inside you. I guess as much as we would like to be involved in your lives, at one point we have to let go and i hope i can do it at the right time and yet be there for you always , like my parents have been with me.

Love...yes i,d like to see you in love, believe in love, take your own decisions in love, write secret poems, wipe your tears in solitude...what kind of mother am i !! But there are some things in life where you have to fall and then find your own way to strike back again and i only wish to be there for you.But then this generation as i call it , the laptop, i pad, smart phone generation would you ever feel the pangs of love in teenage, nurse a wounded heart, listen to love songs or secretly admire someone...i have doubts. things are very fast ( of course in comparison) and there is hardly any time to ponder as you move in to next..but that,s  how life,s going to be fast, unforgiving, hard and you would do your best to be at par.Men are good to be with Ninni and i hope you meet the right men...yes men as ' right' might have different meaning in different stages of life.

Your father terms 'What,s in it for me' generation..indeed. Yet i would like to see you achieving, working, brave , independent..trying to change the world in a way i could not....So many things going wrong in the society we live, wouldn,t you attempt to change..at least stand your ground and stand to what you feel right.
All these are expecting too much my be...but that,s how i,d like you to be...bright, bold, happy as you are now..well may be not so bold, as you hide your face in mama,s lap as someone asks you about your new school...but this gives this proud ' mama' feeling i know all mothers have.All said and done you do not have the most perfect, fussy, caring mother in the world...one truth you would discover soon...but you have a loving mother, waiting to learn as much from you, see the world again through your eyes and whose world is filled by your presence, where you breathe life into her existence, shield her from all storms.

So much to tell you.

Yours Ma