Forty two! At this juncture what would one want from life and to be precise what I want. The selfie camera popped the face I know so well, the face with a blunt nose, heard mom regretting since I was a kid, expressive eyes as some men had expressed in different times, slight eyes bags popping out, I rubbed my hands confirming, whole bunch of grey hair staring wide from the skull!
I shut the camera off, trying to cover the grey bunch. Thin hair stared back at me, is it time to accept? Slightly sagging breasts and the protruding stomach, I almost threw away the mobile! But that's not how I look, my Display pictures and Instagram pictures, even without much filters looked great most of the times, only you need to choose the right angle! I was shaken from my frustrating chain of thoughts, thrust mobile in my trouser pocket, stuffed earphones, switching on my playlist began to walk.
On one such walk, I had set eyes upon , let's call him hunk, almost two years ago.
My eyes scanned for him every day. Almost a hunk, salt pepper hair, those biceps and the stare! Did he stare at me really? I mean why me? Well, men do stare. There isn't anything surprising about it and nothing to be overwhelmed about, there are psychos, sick men. I caught his eyes just then, we looked away just in time, he with his jog, me with my walk now almost stumble. Would we talk one day but how? My romantic hopeless mind conjured some pictures. Would he smile some day? May be say ' Hi'!!
For those who think I'm completely out of my mind, it is necessary to inform that's how I've been all these years.. romantic, useless, weaving stories! With the daughter turning ten, hubby turning decent what was this madness about! Few days back I had a hopeless crush on husband's boss, he too had paid me all the attention I needed and then thankfully he went ahead with his corporate chores neglecting me and I was back in my senses! Had he been as intelligent as he looked, I shuddered! I'm gonna cross hunk again, I pulled my indifferent face, oh my side locks must be showing my greys , tried to push them aside. We crossed, of course nothing happened. 'Hunk I wouldn't be there tomorrow, my morning shift, my heart cried out.' You know hunks are dumb my sane mind argued.' But this one isn't ' my frivolous self whispered!
Hunk was stretching his limbs in the monkey bar. Chiseled body did not attract me, it's brains, I clenched my teeth, trying to convince myself, looking away from hunk, brains, humour, my kind of man! Some images flashed in my head in super sonic speed. Hunk in bed, like I saw Milind Soman in the web series! I swallowed hard,sex gets better when you know someone! I left the park with a heavy heart and more jumbled up thoughts!
It was a ritual..hunk and me, locking of our eyes. My hair brushed a tad bit tidy, my smartest jogging tee, light lip balm sort. But hunk likes me just as I am, my heart hummed! Wait what... since when he likes you, my head rebuked! You really think he likes you!! Supposing he does what are you expecting..head was glaring at heart!
What's app texts, coffee date may be, stare at his eyes more, smile coyly...uuuhh what not!
Ok then... head waited
'Then...then..oh then..his..'.heart blushed , ' His place may be'
Wonderful....then
' It can be steamy, passionate...' my lips went dry , ' In his arms...he's so gentle..duniya dari holding him, his passion'
I crossed hunk just then, sweating almost
Next morning and day after , I was not there in the park , with hunk out of my mind as well, job, daughter, husband, maid. After that tsunamis called corona and lockdown happened, daughter began her online classes after a few hiccups and I stopped my morning walks. It was dropping her off to bus stand, waving her off to school then the morning walk ritual in the park where hunk happened. Well with online classes, my job was limited to waking daughter up, then waking my help, switching on wifi, then switch on laptop and drift off to bed!
Almost last two years daughter did not go to school and me no morning walks! Today I came to bus stand , felt a bit awkward waving daughter off now on the brink of her teens. Felt strange at the park, pulled my mask to let my nose breathe, set my watch and music felt so great, it was my head breathing!
Wait ....just wait.. wasn't that?....
I slowed my pace, hunk had slowed his too. He was looking at me, his lips curving in a smile. I wasn't sure what I was doing? I think my lips curved in smile too!
Hunk was approaching, today he was going to say ' Hi'! I knew he would!
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