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Saturday, 13 April 2013

The 'New's in our life....

Dear Ninni

I don,t know if you are going to understand what i mean or may be if you ever do  you are going to like it.. Just like that some time will be in life where you will be absolutely clueless as to where life is heading.. and if you are really liking wherever it is heading to..

I attended your school orientation programme and was pleased to see the children performing , almost liked your principal,s speech.. and kept wondering would you grow up to be a ' confident' human being from the school as they promised..since i went after my night duty and was a bit drowsy and also my inherent absent mindedness..my thoughts drifted.. This world is very tough Ninni.. no one lets you an inch of space until you fight and get a centimeter of your own. Starting from the road where i am almost an eight month old driver now..where vehicles overtake me from left and right, fellow colleagues term me a ' slow driver' and what i realise no one's going to let you an inch.. on the road, at work and so true of life. Recently we have shifted to Gurgaon from the office quarters we had in Delhi and while i cross the toll gates to Delhi.. you know if one of the toll gates was dysfunctional and by luck  i would get stuck in the wrong queue.. nobody would let you a bit of space knowing very well without them giving way there is absolutely no place to go..So you look at the drivers in the right queue with a pleading helpless look and crawl inch by inch...

Talking of drivers...big car owners or rightly called SUV owners have arrogance recklessness embedded in their veins, similarly cab drivers show same mentality.. and i can classify bus and truck drivers in another head and yes the omnipresent auto drivers always appearing out of nowhere and taking a turn right in front of you.. But you know the ' road' ..the fun part of road is there is space just enough for everyone.. from the dead slow tempos, to the devilish giant buses, from the sleek SUV,s to bicycles and autos..all have their place in the road.. and as i watch the suave cars driving desperately behind bike in one side and auto in the other, honking impatiently breathing down their spine..making their way ahead.. and the funny part auto,bike even bicycle no one,s willing to give up!! Everyone,s in a dead hurry, honking, overtaking, driving zig zag ..and of course there are the ones like me confused , fumbling few but they do exist!!

Well i didn,t intend to write about ' road' and my new explorations..just that i have discovered this part of road a bit late in my life since i started driving only since last year. Coming back to what i intended to tell you, as i was watching your school orientation programme and switched off to a bit ' philosophical' mode .. despite all the promises and good words you all would grow up to be tough human beings tougher than the ones today and you would learn to hold on to your space all right and at the same time know not to give in.. not to give anybody a bit of space... Professionally also when i switch to my 'philosophical' mode i simply wonder about the fierce selfishness clouding the workplace, we work together but stay almost friendless, willing to go any length to get the best deal and all these in a public sector environment!! Personally i find myself  having you and your father as family, parents back there in home town and yet i wonder how come i have become so friendless in life.. where have all the friends vanished to.. The hosts of ' friends' from schools and colleges and sometimes friends at work place.. once the time is over.. you are left with memories.. and then the curtain falls gradually and memories fade..
You know my junior colleague with whom i used to spend hours in Barapani last year..i do remember the times with her often and i believe she does to , but the phone calls become shorter with one year coming to close..and memories get far away. The present i guess is all powerful and soaks in past bit by bit...Now we are here in a new locality ( Gurgaon) and you beginning a proper school and soon your father would be away for weeks. I do recall my evenings in Barapani  from my twelfth floor apartment...

After a long wait, we shifted to what we can call our ' own' house, with a bit of ' space' inside unlike the house you spent your beginning years in Delhi. The society has a ' children park' along with lots of urbane suave moms i hesitate to strike up conversations with, a basement parking where i struggled the first month to park my car delicately between the pillars leaving just the right amount of space for the next door car. The twelfth floor balcony gives you insight to many of the apartments, sometimes a close view of sky..But guess can do nothing about the friendless thing...Anyway we are happy your new school has taken off and i see a new you emerging slowly.. new friends, new dreams and may be a dream we would live again  through you..our school and college days.

Just scribbled some lines trying to assemble my thoughts...

Lots of love
Yours Ma