Barapani... Reality Bites!!

The magic is wearing off..like everything else..this place is losing its exquisiteness..it is just one of those small villages in our country..where newspapers do not reach except for a local one which some days finds its way to the local shops..Khasi language in english script, one of those villages where children walk miles in search of a school,where nearest hospital is some 20 km away..where few Tata Sumos run with people hanging behind as means of public transport,where girls go to the river for washing clothes,where children collect drinking water from roadside taps..huddle containers of water in make shift carts..where men drink in evening and night..where concept of street light is totally redundant..where women give birth to half a dozen babies within the four walls of home..wherein within the long stretch of unpaved road..if any little shop you can find would definitely have 'kowai' (local betel nut) if not any trace of other bare necessities of life..

In this land I stand partly disillusioned partly grounded..partly lonely wondering if I am missing out on life where I spent last six years..but then I never know what I am missing out on..a fiercely competitive manipulative professional life in the city..where relationships even if  manage to find a place, longeivity gets shorter..nothing survives here save a hunger for success..and a family life..where baby husband maid parents friends all strive for a place and I long for space and continue with a super balance act. And here in this land one can have all the space one longs for and more..so much space that loneliness creeps into the soul in one form or other.. That,s it then..solitude and bliss turning to hard hitting loneliness from which there is no respite..there I go.. sounding frustrated , lonely lending substance to the term ' tenure' or ' unpopular posting'. The lush green of August has given way to a hazy dusty February..where spring is hardly tangible wrapped in warm sunny days and cool chilly nights.The hills seem to long for rains, pine trees looking high in the sky..and to me the magic of the hills do not work any more..like magic of new found love giving way to routine indifference..a nonchalance owing to the loneliness bug digging into the soul..the Wanderlust giving way to a longing for ' home'

All said and done..my airport.. if all works well I would be' home' after a few months and my ' airport' would have all new admirers..all for a year..loving hating fleeing, some will be cast in its spell, some will be drawn and disillusioned..some will simply not fall into the trap..and I wouldn,t be there to see (in high probability)..I would be 'home' and the residue of ' Wanderlust' in me in lone lost moments would build by bits and parts..a picture an image of a bewitching beautiful lonely airport in the laps of rain kissed August green hills..my tiny tower and the thatched ' Meera,s Tea Shop' lurking behind..providing oxygen to one and all..ironed uniform clad airliners..kowai chewing red lipped labours..lazy without work Sarkari babus...hunger thirst driven passengers searching frantically for a cup of tea in days where flight gets delayed indefinitely...

Airport Diaries

Every place has a pulse throbbing underneath.. a heart beating within..be it a hardcore stone hearted city like Delhi or a soft shy coy Elizabethan maiden like Barapani..once you feel the pulse.. you start vibrating with the same frequency out of habit may be and then.. if you dare ..you fall in love. May be with the beauty, may be you begin to touch the heart within and may be simply you have no other option..and things begin to work out just like an arranged Indian marriage does!! A stupid analogy may be..but then trying to make the best of what one has...or to lay contented with what destiny has offered..or to try to explore discover and if not anything else than grumble, sulk..all these somehow compares to one analogy..

Anyway in this land.. hope against hope is my new found ' friend' rather companion..almost a decade younger than me ( as per her statement) , my Malayali colleague struggling in the Khasi land with her language, with her food habits, struggling with the severe cold hitherto unknown to her, with her new job, with her stern bosses. Looking at her..I somehow doubt whether my company really have a HR policy where H stands for Human ( Please pardon me AAI.. with all due regards to everything you have given me till date)..a twenty three year old Malayali girl from Kottayam ,engineer by profession.. has her first posting in Barapani Airport..of all the places..and of all the directions  (southwest to north east)..Wonder how much travel allowance AAI has to pay her.. She is my companion for morning walks..( one walk a month..that,s a different story)..where we did yoga in the Runway(Hope higher authorities are not reading). Can't help mention just as we were into ' Balasan' ( our favourite one..lie on your stomach with knees curled up.. like a child) a flight hovered above and she stared at me for a moment before breathing ' Run' (:P)...Well, well a tried and tested air traffic controller like me was taken in by the ' Run'' before ATC sense poured in " This is an overflying aircraft.. it wont land...watch opens at 9:30" I convinced myself before convincing her as we watched the plane fly away..... and faces lighting with dismay replaced by laughter....

She turned out to be my saviour, tea biscuit breaks in office, long evening walks, long chats, our worlds were different..a Kerela village with hardworking mother and siblings in financial constraints..and my world in bits and parts..parents coming in sometimes, reminiscent of childhood days  only the child now replaced by my toddler, tussle between mother and maid.. and..the husband... alienated with his daughter and wife, but not sure whether to feel pity for him..as every weekend a new movie , or the same movie twice, a new restaurant..freedom I guess. And yes I am not disliking the freedom as well, books, net ( though service is very erratic), little bit of blogging, some diet of daily soaps with Ma, getting in touch with the sweet sounds of the languages I knew so well since childhood, the taste of childhood food and vegetables and the rains..incessant,nostalgic.

A dash of Kerela, a pinch of Delhi, bits of Guwahati..in the rain kissed hills of Barapani...while we count our days for the end of a year and the end of an exile.

Excerpts from my one year stay at an airport in a distant corner of the country...

Pangot....

Husband almost promised it was going to be a birding trip and well indeed birding and much more.

Why Pangot   For people looking for a bit of recluse, some enchanting bird watching and simply be close to the Himalayas.

The Stay     Husband chose Nest Cottages as it gave the best deal. Veg food was a great turn off for me but the hospitality of the staff with their simplicity and some good cooking had me hooked. Hills, Himalayas and lots of birds around and the tranquility....

Red Billed Blue Magpie

                                                   

                                                 Little Scaly Bellied Green Woodpecker                                            

Blue Whistling Thrush

Rusty Cheeked Scimitar Babbler ( Discovering her/his name was an uphill task... thanks to The Book of Indian Birds)

I don't know how i dared when i simply  set for trekking a distance of ten kilometres.  I do love walking and believe me the first few metres when the sound of my own breath was deafening my ears i just swore never again!! And started wondering how people do it.. how my parents made it to Vaishno Devi... But when Himalayas play peek and boo eyes long for more and... no looking back.

                                           
                            Grey Jungle Fowl .... It was a guest appearance and we missed more pics

A clearer view just wiped those exhaustion away.... and there we were taken aback by those mystic peaks....

Flameback Woodpecker

Long walk when we reached Cheena Peak and stared at the peaks... contented, mystified....

And the next view point after Cheena Peak where Nainital just flew beneath... it was breathtaking. We met couples climbing from Nainital groaning, grumbling.... how long....

After a long tedious ten km trek we reached Nainital... i was almost in tears with blisters in heel and walking our way through Mall Road as there was no vehicle from the point we joined highway.

Green Backed Tit

White Throated Laughing Thrush

Streaked Laughing Thrush

                                                           
                                                                          Black Headed Jay
                                                               

Himalayan Bulbul

Me lost in Whats app with intermittent network appearing in between

Kathgodam

White capped water redstart

Great Tit

 

Great that we stopped by at Lees kitchen following recommendation from Highway on my Plate and gorged on some excellent noodles, momos and chopsueys... you name it... excellent food and the lovely ambiance by the river where a variety of birds flocked.... Infact best bird pics were clicked here.

                                                                       
                                                                     Crested  Kingfisher

A great trip.... food , birds, trek... Himalayas... just a bit of  Nainital to add that quintessential shopping bit and finally returned with lots of love for the hills...

P.S. One has to be a bit careful about the roads... as we had a very bad stretch of road near Ramgarh lost way most likely ( from Delhi)... and the return via Kathgodam was much better with the stop at Lees Kitchen.

Books close to my heart...

My favourite books...very hard to compile the list...reason being... at different stages and times perspective changes but great books leave you with an impression, a feeling which stays, an emotion which holds long after.

1. The Hungry Tide   It will continue to be my favourite...there is a call of this unknown mysterious mangroves the Sundervans... I could feel Sundervans in my senses and get mesmerized by the chemistry of Piya and Fakir.... two characters so different yet so alike. The storms thundering in the forest and the uncanny eye contact with the man eater bordering between surreal and myth was something which transcended words and you begin to live in the mysterious jungle.. A short book with depth, philosophy and breeziness of a thriller. My all time cherished book by Amitav ghosh.

2. The River of Smoke  Since I began with Amitav Ghosh it is natural I bring the name of River of Smoke ,second in the trilogy after Sea of Poppies, history and fiction had this superb blend and the reader gets caught in the lives of the protagonists as they witness changes in the pages of history. The political diplomacy, shrewdness, behind the scene agreements...the doom of a race, the victory of the colonists with tales of deceit...the reader is left with a gamut of emotions and a virtual tour of Canton city with its cuisine, boat houses where the protagonist meets his love...business centres and deals, the tussle between business and moral ethics as the drug catches on the entire country. Again it has a thriller like aspect which draws one to the book and has the reader captivated till the end.

3. Na Hanyate   I read this book in my teens and  realised that it was a must read for every Bengali growing girl of course at that time. It was this vibrant, intense love story and I was  shocked that a seemingly blockbuster Hindi movie had been made out of this at least copying the basic idea and some frame by frame remakes without any acknowledgement to the original. But for those who had read the original, the love story between the foreigner who comes for Sanskrit lessons from a renowned scholar and his daughter was a mirror of the society at that time... when a new India was waking up to new values and new education and the winds of modernization had began to flicker a burning passion and love between the two characters. Their love fall apart, the foreigner disciple ousted from their house once their affair is caught... basically the passion of a true love story spell bounds the reader along with the hard reality of Indian society amidst the veneer of modernization. 

I also read La Nuit Bengali ( Bengal Nights) by Mircea Eliade after some years when I could get hold of it just to feel the totality of love and the account of a foreigner in love with an Indian woman.

4. Mother  Being a Bengali brought up in a joint family my entire house brimmed with different kind of books. From religious to literary and from literary to revolutionary!  I read Mother when I was young and through the eyes of an illiterate mundane mother how the seeds of a revolution was being sown and how the lady woke up to the bitter truths she had lived all her life and the changes her son and his group of friends planned to bring to the world. I felt awakened through her eyes, how an entire nation rose to their freedom, how new ideas were coined. Mother left me with strong memories as I grew up and stirs me till date!

5.  Lost Horizon   Read in my school days again there was this story of Shangri La  a land away from this material world where time ceases to run. Shangri la had me trapped in a web of dreams and imaginations in a land somewhere far in Tibet where four characters get stuck after a plane crash. The mystery of Shangri la where abundant gold mines exist and the inhabitants do not fight for gold, where nobody ages where the Lamas pray and lead a simple life... a land isolated from the world. The main protagonist Conway gets attracted by the land yet cannot get rid of earthly feelings for the woman who was also stuck here and finally how the real world wins over and he flees leaving Shangri la... the magical land. The book played with my imaginations and perhaps a Shangri la is still imprinted in the mind, my soul still looks for Shangri-La sometimes..land where time stands still!

6. Prothom Pratisruti   This classic by Ashapurna Devi was all about the rise of a woman from the shackles imposed on her by the society since her birth. Her struggle with the blessings and love of a tyrannical father and a struggle to write her own destiny and when she fails miserably as her little daughter Subarnolata was married off by her husband and conspiring mother in law in her absence. The struggle of a woman, a powerful intelligent woman well ahead of her times as she tries to be the harbinger of change...the fruits of the which  we are savouring now.

7. Prothom Alo  I have grown on a staple diet of Sunil Gangopadhyay's books since childhood be it the feisty Kakababu or  took a peek from ' Poorbo Paschim' that used to come on the Bengali weekly Desh or his various novels and rare sometimes his poetry. Prothom Alo was published serially in Desh and I remember we all took turns reading it... starting from my father, my grandma and then finally me. Well along with history there was this lure of adult world for me but the date with hisory takes over as I read about Tagore's life weaved in the story...his journeys through his Bajra ( decorated boat) his relations, romance , anecdotes about his compositions and their aspects, his encounter with the Tripura Maharaja...and various other characters like Nati Binodini, Girish Ghosh all who were an ode to the renaissance in Bengal and India...hence the nomenclature Prothom Alo.

8. Gora  Though people say as compared to his poetry and short stories Tagore's novels could not scale the same heights... but Gora cast a deep impact on me during my teens. Though Brahmo Samaj...the debate between formless and idol worship was inspiring, eye opening and opened a can of worms, it was basically the intelligence and intensity of Gora and the growing love between him and Sucharita crafted in Tagore's poetic language had me spell bound and the identity crisis Gora comes to term with.

9. Aranyer Adhikar  I know Bengali books will rule my chart but I do not see a a reason to be guilty... blessed with a language so rich in literature and history...I always have found my soul in books of this language. This novel by Mahasweta Devi was my journey into the lands of the real India.. neglected and overpowered by the shrewd and financially stronger. It was a cry from the dwellers of the forest to give back their land ,their life... their peaceful coexistence with the forest from ages. Birsa Munda,

's struggle to claim his land, a life for his people moves the reader to tears...and indeed a reminder of the struggle by the inhabitants of India to retain their identity, claim their rights.. a war which still goes on in the unexplored hinterland of India.

10. Aranayak  A classic by Bibhuti Bhusan Bandopadhyay, a novel, a travelogue... which took me through the forests of  Munger, Bhagalpur and the virgin lands of Bihar. I remember this book invariably as I travel through the heart of Bihar in my journey to Guwahati from Delhi at least once a year...his dreams woven in this land... I recall the writer riding his pony in a path washed my milky moonlight in a breathtakingly beautiful forest. Well no one can live nature in his writings as Bibhuti Bhusan does and Aranyak remains eternal in my heart. The pictures he wove so difficult to describe, can only be felt and lived!

I know have missed many, conspicuous by missing few bestsellers... and I do not know whether translations are available for all I mentioned but these gems I carry in my heart..and remember at times. These gems craft my soul, bless my existence!

Zindagi Gulzar Hain....

Television...one of those apparatus...you browse through the numbers in the remote and most of the times I end up switching off the device in frustration... Yeah not much of a news person and not a sports freak either (I guess lots of women might get included in the bracket). I end up with a random episode of ' Friends' which most of the times was an episode I had watched earlier but still managed to evoke some laughter and surprisingly at aspects which weren't noticed earlier...and browse through the    odd music channel to catch up with videos and songs of  ' my time' kind and food recipes with my domestic help while we have our lunch....I guess my TV addiction is limited and so are my options. Comedy Central kept me occupied for days but being unable to catch something gripping...quit that as well. So it was about Zindagi TV I read in the entertainment section of the daily newspaper and the rave reviews...so gave it a try. Well I hardly watch soaps and not at all the kind shown last two decades..the bitching women with gaudy make up who most of the times end up doing nothing save keeping their spouses contented....

Anyways...randomly I caught an episode of  Zindagi Gulzar Hain...and caught it up another day or two. Being the cynical person I am .....tried to cast it aside as another love story between a rich spoilt guy and a  middle class girl. The woman protagonist....so arrogant, so rigid...her head covered all the time....nothing felt right and the typical rich boy with his pretty girlfriend. Well like falling in love I never knew when the show took me all over. Initially I marvelled at myself  for still being young at heart...and enjoying a love story still...not only enjoying actually waiting with bated breath...for the two to get together!! I remembered my school days where I'd wait for Fauji...and another romantic soap called Farman...if anybody remembers!! Within a few episodes I was that school girl again waiting for Zaroon and Kashaf to fall for each other!!!!! And i have to admit Fawad Khan...Zaroon as I'd like to remember him always...slowly cast a spell on me with his eyes and intensity...and it may sound obvious but for a cynical like me...well...like exploring an unknown part of me. Well well all these from someone who was reaching  thirty six is a way bit too much...but who's complaining!!

Yeah it began with Zaroon craze...but then it was the show in all, from the saplings of a sweet romantic love story, somehow it was not repetitive not at all boring, a surprise breath of fresh air with a more surprising realistic element...Kashaf just could be anyone of us...middle class, cynical after the kind of life she has endured with her mother. A real inspiration was the well etched out character of her mother...and the little tit bits she has about life...though may sound typical...but it grows on the viewer and these little tit bits in a way holds her daughter's life together. Things as simple and mundane as cooking for her husband...dismissed by her cynical daughter...but these trivial things bring the subtle changes in their lives. Normal discussions between mother and daughter if mother in law can ever replace mother which I believe most women can relate to...and the twist lies in her mothers simple gyan which strikes a chord instantly. Without being a spiritual guru or healer how simply she guides her daughter through the hardships somehow casts a deep impression on the viewer...just the right balance between respect for others and self respect. Sibling relation between the struggling sisters...love and bitterness and more love...and on the other end of spectrum sibling relation between the ' have it all' brother and sister struggling with their own hell in contrast...

There was this sweet intense love story which tickled the young girl in many of us waiting with bated breath to see the two loving fighting and coming together. Only eyes and expressions could create an impact many ' bold' scenes would fail. And yes Zaroon... for somedays I felt can,t take my eyes off him! Hopefully it mustn't,t be his looks rather the intensity he plays his role with!! When the hangover of  the love story begins to fade there is this realistic story with wonderfully etched out characters filling our hearts and ending the lull in Indian television. The sensitive, brilliant portrayal of women  by the writer and director all of whom are women...well just hats off to them. Years after there's something in television for which we actually wait, which plays with our imagination and make us ponder..   All that from a show across the border....how little we know our neighbours where such sensitive shows can be conceived and telecasted. My friend was telling me she could not remember any soap she had liked or watched after ' Saas' save this one....

The sweetness of the language is also another pleasing factor and so is the realistic make up. Well I believe the writer and director could pluck just the right strings where it just spelt music....music to the heart...music unheard...music buried in some corner of the heart.

I remembered bonding with my daughter's school mates' mom in the busstand and we raved and raved about Zaroon! We chirped like teens with our crush and grumbled about our hubbies! We raved about the scene where he tries to save her from spilling hot tea and her cynical reaction! Why didn't we have a Zaroon in our life!! Later we always consoled each other ' Kaam chala le with the one we have!'

The show is available on YouTube and Netflix. For lovers of romance, story here is a poignant tale with subtle performances and those heart fluttering moments. And if you are able to get past the magic of  Zaroon's eyes there's a beautiful story to be unfurled with strong women enacting the scene with elan.

The world at five...

Dear Ninni

You are five !! Invariably this day, along with the rush of any small party we plan for you...i will recall once the hospital and the doctor carrying a wailing you and put you in the bewildered arms of your father as i stared numbly.

Well those are bygone days and here we are two proud parents five years hence, still marvelling we did it like all, raise you and still on the job...and almost complacent with it.

You show every sign of a spoiled genY kid who is being spoiled more by your parents and Pishi ,who is still being fed hours watching ridiculous tv shows and still being waken with a milk bottle on bed, who would sleep after midnight, being dragged to school in morning and who would extend her afternoon nap to eight in the evening!!! Sounds bad ,don't worry you have a mom as disorganized and as unruly as can be...yes nothing to be proud of and by now you would have discovered too!! And regarding food you area fussy eater in the form of your father...to whom i  attribute all things i don't like about you!

And whom i'd attribute this innocence and softness and all the sweet mischiefs in the world...the completeness and absolute new perspective you give to our lives!! There is a pure heart and soul still unscathed, flawless...how do we save it...or can we...and this love trust and the absolute helplessness when your parents fight...just makes me wish to live long and be there for you... This is what i guess something no respite from...from someone with wings and dreams unlimited and all attachment clipped...here,s a mom tethered to the love you shower, some extent domesticated..there's always someone who draws me home like gravity...someone whose soft voice fills my heart as i leave home, someone who has just begun to love her story books after my disappointment that she won't ever read...someone who has remarkable patience as she paints with intricate detailing, someone who would make designs with clay as her mother can never imagine...someone who with her father would finish all school craft work with a creativity which makes me just...speechless.

Well well like all moms i exaggerate too...that's ok..i guess. There's a lovely heart which knows how to love...the love you show to your pishi and all others...and a happiness you evoke to all around you.... Ninni i know you will be a successful woman...and our success does not lie in that....it lies in the fact that this wonderful soul we brought to the world does not wither by any stupidity shown by either of her parents....only this much and we have a beautiful smart woman who would continue to make us proud...and make me wish to live and live long.


Love...and lots of love
Yours Ma

Confessions

Dear Ninni

Some confession time. It's an age old debate in the country we live in. I do not know how people deal  with it in other countries and whether such debates do exist. Well i had always been a working mom (whoever has coined the term with such acute connotations) and truly i do not know much other way of life, somehow i always knew i had to work... it wasn't ambitions or aspirations just a plain principle of working and living my own life. Well things aren't so plain really...

First of all i don't really know i need to confess this but succumbing to spousal and parental pressures let me tell you i am not a conventional mom!! Yes me too am not sure of what that means but i am not obsessed with your school, studies, progress, food like the most moms i know and yes i do have a nice world of my own which supposedly i mustn't have!! And yes since i have this reliable and sincere help to bring you up ( your Pishi) more often than not i leave you to her while i keep doing the things i love... like visiting social networking sites, little bit of writing, some reading and of course shopping, movies and not only this i have left you with your pishi and father for five full days for a pleasure foreign trip with my colleague!!! I know i sound like a perfect heartless mom...and yes it's not that i have a self absorbed partner who does not take me out for holidays... he does, plans great trips ( only it's him who decides and i pack and follow)..of course there should be nothing objectionable in this....

Okay these were the allegations rather are the allegations you will continue to hear against me...and also some toppings like i hardly do any household chores and have enough time for myself and i really can't blame anyone for infusing these in your heart. Now what do i have for defence and whether i really do need any or as if i am loaded with guilt. Well... Ninni.. i do not get along with a lot of persons. By the time you grow up you'd discover all these about me...never got along with your grandma ( my mother) since i was a child, not much with my brother ( as he puts it i am bearable for a maximum period of 48 hours!!!) and now do not get along with your father and yes with your make-believe pishi. It's not that i dislike any of them nor i think they dislike me much...just that i am impossible sometimes!! And i wonder if you and me would share the same fate... Anyways since your birth leaving the initial turbulent period... i settled in my job leaving you in the hands of my domestic help and i believe she looked after you very well and loved you with her heart. A slum dweller, she would clean and wash in other houses but she looked after you, dressed and bathed you, dressed you in every new frock i got for you and matching hair accessories . She'd take you to the flock of maids gossipping as she'd wait for me to come home from work  and hand you to me when your feet began shaking excitedly as you could spot me approaching!! Believe me she seemed an angel to me, though she took numerous leaves and ultimately we had your pishi to settle down with us. After initial tumultuous period you adjusted with your pishi and having a full time help life was excessively easy for me.

I went for transfers and stayed at different places and she was and still is an indispensable help. And on my part i know nobody may vouch for me but i need to tell you that i did all i could to make her life comfortable and she became one of us... though it became so hard to digest at times. Soon you also knew pishi is an utmost necessity in our lives and you share a strong bond with her. It was not because of my absent mindedness rather because of her love for you that you have learned to love and respect her and trust her with all your needs. If i went out for a day of shopping or movies leaving you at home or school...it was always with a feel of guilt i returned home and i believe it would be the same for any mother. I remember sometimes i'd spend the day outside when i have night shifts and yet would never go office directly rather come home and have a look at you once!! I might sound outrageously defensive...anyways while at infant stage all mothers prepared those boiled and mashed food with different recipes..i did try once or twice but since you were such a fussy eater...lost interest in few days. And then i saw all moms fuss about school and studies...i stayed behind with my laid back ( might be mistaken for arrogance) attitude. Most moms complain about lack of time.. work, kitchen, toddler but most of the times i find enough time to read, write though i'd love more really...and almost stopped entering into kitchen barring trying something new.

Wanderlust or whatever...i decided on this trip without you. You have stayed without me for two months as i went for training and i know it was a very hard time for both of us...and yet i took this plunge... I knew what i was doing wasn't very right but who wanted to be right always and hence the first trip outside country. Not that i enjoyed extremely without you specially those places meant for children..and sometimes i also wondered what i was doing there without you. That was a minor mutiny, an assertion and i loved it more than the trip. Anyways that was a matter of five days and i was back armed with a lot of guilt and allegations from all.

I really do not know if my efforts as a mother falls short of what should be...and i am really this independent woman who moves around leaving you to maid... no Ninni i know you will realise or you already know that you have one gem of a mother! Ma is someone you take for granted, the first name you call when you wake up, the first person you look for in house and this is the most obvious thing. This makes me happy and content and with the apprehension that my activities never blow this up and this remains as obvious as ever... at least as long as it lasts. All said and done i just know you have always won me over with your innocence and this undemanding love which makes one learn only to give....and i know from the mother you were born from i'd be the person who would win you over with her love and the woman she is.

Lots of love

Yours Ma