' Trishna it was my moment of epiphany!_
' Your what!' I repeated absent mindedly, my hands on the steering, eyes on the road, brain trying to locate the word!
'Epiphany ' the word echoed through the blue tooth speaker.., ' I know we had listened to many songs together..but I never knew these lines would sum it up for me!'
' Really these Dil Hain Ke Manta Nahi lines!!
I laughed almost...I mean really!!
' Huh...I knew it ' the voice on the other side was ebbing off, ' Forget it...my epipha... whatever!'
I heard myself laughing over the speaker...' Gulzar, Sahir, Mir...Kaun nahi..but now epiphany with these lines!!'
'Ok ok, galti ho gayi '
Like all the beautiful things in life, our love too ebbed with time! I didn't know when was the beginning of the end and how! I didn't know why and nothing I did brought him back in my life...was it misunderstanding, ego..no I do not have answers, some kind of majburi as they say in films! It wasn't that as well...was it me who hurt him, wanted more, suck the life out of him! Could be! Should I be guilty for that.... never..you cannot be guilty of being oneself!
Do I wait for him...may be I do without much hope, may be I do moving on in life, am I heart broken...at this stage...no! Do I still believe in love... hopelessly yes! Heaps of articles I read, TeD talks I listened to.. romantic love is so overrated! Loving yourself is the key...all these stuff. If you ask me, romantic love makes my world whether I have it or not. Not to be confused with happiness which generally rules my life! Is it the desire to be some tragic queen stuck in the verses and music which speaks of love! Is it really worth to get doe eyed at something as frivolous as Valentine's day!!
My lost love... was it true...
Hum to mohabbat karte hain tum se
Hum ko bas itni khabar!
Tanha humara mushkil tha jeena
Tum jo na milte agar!!
Years after I do not know whether the elation of those days wins over the bitterness and loneliness I was left with! It wouldn't, yet I know may be at that point I was closest to love...closest to feeling it...it was very close...I could almost touch and feel it.. yet it slipped off... slowly much as I tried to grasp it frantically!
It isn't a majbur love story of yesteryears where years after you meet by chance! Here with instant messaging apps...we chose to drift apart, rather he chose. I chose not to fight and accept.
The music once in a while brings back those love kinda things..who knows what it does to him. And really does it matter when we choose to write the epitaph ourselves.. burying the epiphanies!
Something as frivolous as Valentine's Day got me a bit mushy, that's it! Ok I didn't get all the love I sought, but few moments I got real close! And some moments I still believe love was there..is here with me!
